This past weekend, as I was celebrating the joint occasion of my coming of age (otherwise known as the rituals of barhopping, alcoholic over-consumption, and becoming overly acquainted with the toilet bowl) and the onslaught of Hurricane Sandy, it occurred to me how celebrations such as these shed light on an interesting aspect of our culture; how we view the process of aging, as well as our attempts to cling to childhood for as long as possible.
Coming of age rituals such as bar/bat mitzvahs, confirmation, getting a driver’s license and turning 21 are some important ways in which we mark an individual’s place in society. With each passing birthday, expectations and responsibilities change and we are forced to face—with ever more frequency—the reality that is adulthood.
The anticipation of this reality is, for many of us, a source of both tremendous anxiety and excitement; we at once long for the supposed freedom that comes with adulthood, but trepidation about what that “freedom” actually means causes ourselves to second guess and remain hesitant to take on the full responsibilities of the “real world.”
For me—and for many adults with whom I’ve spoken with, there comes a point where it seems you no longer age. By this, I do not mean your hair won’t become grey and thin, wrinkles won’t pop up in unwanted areas, but instead that mentally you no longer view yourself as getting older. I have talked with some people who—despite being in their mid-40s—still think of themselves as 26 years old. It is interesting to note when this happens for a person. When is their identity (as they see themselves) cemented enough to remain stable for the rest of their life?
As I passed over the threshold of 21, I can say that while I am happy I can now reap the benefits that come along with being of age—the bars, the beers at restaurants, and the general “freedom” that comes with the territory of legality—I can also say that I still do not feel, in any semblance of the word, like an adult.
Part of this, I believe, has to do with how our society coaches young people, especially college students in a shroud of semi-adulthood. While at school students are “expected” to assume responsibilities such as going to class and taking time to do homework, while oftentimes balancing a job.
However, these duties are all generally taking place in the cloistered world of academia and college life. There is an overarching expectancy that, although students are at school to learn and pursue career options after college, they will engage in a “party lifestyle.”
In this way, our society creates an environment where one is legally an adult, but one is also exempt from many norms governing actual adulthood—Friday as part of the weekend, anyone?
This experience is unique to many western countries, while in other places young people stay close to home and assume more responsibilities both in the family and in the outside world.
In the United States, the infantilization of our nation’s college-age youth may be detrimental to both the students’ ability to adjust to the actual reality of adulthood and to the parents whose “children” are forced to move back in with them—whether that be for economic or personal reasons.
Although the college life of partying, skipping class, and generally “slacking” may be true for a minority of people at Keene State College, the glorification of this experience through pop culture and the media does not bode well for those students who do try to becoming adults in college.
As long as we continue to foster a sense of accepted irresponsibility from college students, it can be argued that the age of actual adulthood—where one lives independently of parents, has a job, and has a sense of personal identity—will continue to be pushed back, from 18 to 21, and 21 to 30.
Hannah Walker can be contacted at
hwalker@keene-equinox.com