Disclaimer: The “Hoots N’ Hollers” section of The Equinox is entirely satirical and not at all based in fact. Every story, photo and name used here is fictitious solely for the purpose of comedy and does not represent The Equinox’s or the College’s beliefs as a whole.

This past weekend, Keene State suffered a minor technical malfunction. The bell on the campus library that regales the students with its chimes every hour, on the hour, every day and all the time, suffered a slight malfunction.

We sent an Equinox correspondent to investigate why the bell wasn’t working. They reported back that it appeared an axe cleaved into the speaker system on the bell on the roof of the library. It was then reported that there was no foul play involved, and most likely an axe flew off from the local firetruck and fell on the speaker set, repeatedly. It seems unlikely, but if we live in a world where Zach Galifianakis is funny, anything is possible.

So in the meantime, the school went under chaos. With no bell going off every hour, no one knew what time it was. Students were late for club meetings, while others were late for work. It was amazing that the campus didn’t collapse overnight. As a college, we depend on an hourly bell to go off constantly so we all know what time it is. Not everyone has a cell phone with a clock, so those who don’t need the bell.

Student Luke Costello said, “I can’t stand not having that bell go off constantly. I never know what time it is and even how long the days are.” Fortunately though, after the grueling weekend of students not knowing what time it was, our most beloved bell was fixed, and we can now rest easy knowing that we’ll always know what time it is constantly throughout the day.

Keith Medlock can be contacted at kmedlock@kscequinox.com

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