Disclaimer: The “Hoots N’ Hollers” section of The Equinox is entirely satirical and not at all based in fact. Every story, photo and name used here is fictitious solely for the purpose of comedy and does not represent The Equinox’s or the College’s beliefs as a whole.
This past Wednesday, a first-year student was found in the Redfern Arts Center.
The student, Billy Turner, told us he was looking for his Intro to Jazz 101 class. Now it’s no surprise that students often get lost finding their class, but Billy’s story is a little different.
Billy was your normal 18-year-old first-year, but he claimed to be registered to Keene State in 1996.
This didn’t surprise us too much at first; Billy had a Tamagotchi clipped onto his belt loop, parachute pants and frosted tipped hair, but we needed to be sure.
Billy showed us his driver’s license, and it showed that Billy was born in 1979. It seemed as if there was a magical force in the arts center that stopped time. This was somewhat surprising considering that trying to find one’s class in the maze of the Redfern Arts Center is a job worthy only to those of the highest intellect.
It is a difficult task to complete without getting lost and never being found again, but what was this new information of the Redfern stopping time?
Almost inconceivable! Billy said that, “it felt like I was only there for a half an hour, but I was amazed to find out that it was 2016,”.
Billy had many questions to ask and was thrilled to hear that the United States had our first African American President and that he could get breakfast any time at McDonald’s, but after the information on who the two nominations for president were, his face fell.
He then turned around and went back into the arts center. We still have yet to find him.
Keith Medlock can be contacted at email@example.com