Disclaimer: The “Hoots N’ Hollers” section of The Equinox is entirely satirical and not at all based in fact. Every story, photo and name used here is fictitious solely for the purpose of comedy and does not represent The Equinox’s or the College’s beliefs as a whole.
Keene State College sophomore Allison Trotter was excited to announce last week that she made it through an entire 15 minute jog at the Spaulding Gymnasium without the rag falling off the disinfectant spray bottle on the side of the treadmill machine.
According to Heath Hound, a long-time fitness junkie and employee at the gym, there are rags loosely placed atop the spray bottles attached to the side of each treadmill. These spray bottles and rags are used for cleaning the machines, but the rags’ stability is flawed.
“The second the treadmill starts going and the jogger begins running, the rag almost always falls off the spray bottle,” Hound said, “Allison Trotter is an absolute legend.”
Students across campus are raving about Trotter’s success story.
Freshman Sara Vigor said she does not understand how Trotter could have run on the treadmill for 15 minutes without the rag falling off the spray bottle.
“I can’t believe it,” Vigor said, “I’ve never seen anyone make it through a run without a rag falling off a spray bottle.”
According to Vigor, some students have actually stopped going to the gym after suffering embarrassment from having to pick the rag up off the ground so many times.
“Sometimes I’ll finish running, completely spray down the treadmill and then realize I still have to go pick the rag off the ground in front of everyone,” Vigor said, “It’s just really embarrassing.”
KSC senior Marcus Runsalot said he swears he isn’t mad that he wasn’t the first person to make it through an entire run on the treadmill without the rag falling off spray bottle.
“I mean, I run on those treadmills every single day. I’m really agile and I’ve been working at it for four years, but no I’m not mad,” Runsalot said, “I mean…four years. Four years of hard work and she does it as a sophomore?”
When asked about this impressive feat, Trotter replied, “What? Is it really that impressive?”
Stephanie McCann can be contacted at email@example.com