For years, Helen Gawlik blew out her birthday candles with happiness and joy, but on her 40th birthday, that milestone became a millstone – she turned 40 on Sept. 11, 2001.
“I feel guilty about my birthday sometimes,” said Gawlik. “I think of all the losses of lives and the events that happened.”
After the Sept. 11 attacks at the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and the Flight 93 crash in Pennsylvania, her birthday is no longer an annual ritual. “The fact that it (the birthday) coincides—you almost feel guilty,” said Gawlik, “You don’t want it to be happy and celebrate. You almost feel guilt that you want that day to be happy and then think of the greater scheme of things.”
Gawlik is a Residential Counselor at Crotched Mountain Rehabilitation in Greenfield, NH. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, she saw the news unfold on a television screen at Garden Street Elementary School in Milford, NH, working as a paraprofessional.
She was setting up in a classroom when the news came on the TV. “I actually saw it happening on the news, when it came on live. I was shocked, disbelieved and terrified. I was alone,” said Gawlik.
When American days of tragedy are broadcast for the nation to see, hear and witness, the citizens of the nation are engulfed with fear and disbelief.
Mia Sano, a 24 year old from Milford, NH, comprehends what it is like to have a tragic event coincide with a birthday. Sano turned 12 on April 20, 1999, the day the Columbine Massacre occurred.
“I wasn’t allowed to watch the news but caught a few minutes of it,” said Sano, adding “I vaguely knew that something had happened but couldn’t grasp what it was.”
The Columbine tragedy was a school shooting in Columbine, CO that killed 12 students, 1 teacher and injured 21 others. The two gunmen, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, went on a rampage that ended with their suicides. Mia now remembers that her 12th birthday was a day that the Nation mourned.
“I couldn’t really grasp what was going on—I knew that people died but didn’t grasp the severity of the situation,” said Sano.
When Sano reached high school, the tragedy took on a whole new meaning. Realizing that it was people her age who killed their peers, Sano realized that her birthday was always going to be associated with Columbine.
“I once received a birthday card with a reference to Columbine on it, from a friend at school. I found it oddly inappropriate,” said Sano.
Sano still researches the massacre that happened on her birthday, not just to make sense of the tragedy, but to remember those who died on a day that she once celebrated without question.
“I think about what happened, especially looking back on high school, I get it. It’s horrible, it’s something I think about now and try to figure out what happened,” said Sano.
Much like the Columbine Massacre and 9/11, there are days in American history that will live in infamy. Erica Davis knows such a day—it’s her birthday but also the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. Instead of people being sympathetic to Davis, they tend to be cruel.
“You tell people your birthday is December 7th and they make the connection—the jokes come out,” said Davis, a 32-year-old Medical Software Salesperson from Manchester, NH.
The tragedy of Pearl Harbor occurred on December 7, 1941 and was attack on a United States Navy Base by the Japanese. On this day, over 2,000 American soldiers were killed and over 1,000 were injured. Pearl Harbor resonated with Americans of that time in the same way of the 9/11 Terrorist Attacks and consequential war affected the current generation. Davis didn’t immediately make the connection about her birthday and Pearl Harbor until later in life.
“I don’t think I made the connection until half way through middle school,” said Davis, adding, “When I started learning more about Social Studies, and you hear people talk.”
The infamy of December 7 follows Davis wherever she goes, “It’s never just my birthday, it’s my birthday and Pearl Harbor”, said Davis, adding, “it’s like ‘let’s cheer your birthday, let’s cheer that people lost their lives.’”
For those who celebrate their birthdays while others mourn the day it falls on, there are resources available to cope. Dahlia Gruen, who has a 9/11 birthday, organized a support group website, BirthdaySpirit.org, that is dedicated to those that have the same birthday. According to the website, over 1 million people celebrate their birthday on 9/11, not just Gawlik.
The guilt feels ten-fold this year for Gawlik, “This year, it’s even more so, because of the anniversary, because of what may happen, I’m apprehensive about the day—that a Terrorist group may try to attack the United States again.”
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