Indonesian singer-songwriter Nicole Zefanya, stage-named NIKI, released her second album “Nicole” in 2022, a 46-minute collection of songs reflecting on her teenage experiences and relationships.
This album was the first alternative album in a while that caught my attention, and it was not because the album title is my name. NIKI’s lyrics on this album hit home for me, as I am about to end my college experience in a few months and have been reflecting on the relationships in my life now more than ever.
The album opener “Before” paints the scene of NIKI’s long-distance relationship with her boyfriend. The song describes the singer visiting him at college, as she flew to him and in return felt discarded in his presence, instead of welcomed.
“I just flew across the globe
Twenty-two hours just to see you
Just to barely fit on your twin-sized bed
And talk about your cool new friend
Who I never met, who you dated as soon as I left”
Being her first relationship, NIKI had to battle her first breakup and come to terms with the pain of growing apart from someone you care so deeply about.
The following track “High School in Jakarta” describes NIKI’s experience beginning her relationship as a high school student in Indonesia. She uses a storytelling element to convey the feelings of a blossoming high school romance, which fell apart post-graduation.
“I still hate you for makin’ me wish I came out smarter”
You love-hate your mother, so do I
Could’ve ended different, then again
We went to high school in Jakarta”
The next track on the album, “Backburner,” is the one that pulled me into the album. The lyrics describe the pain of feeling like someone else’s background noise, the second choice if even considered at all. “Backburner” features musical elements such as echoing lyrics that mimic NIKI’s thoughts toward her ex-lover.
“The Goo Goo Dolls are dead to me
The way you should be too
But you bring them up, Along with how much I f*cking miss you”
The lyrics in this song reminded me of all the times I began talking to someone, whether romantically or platonically, and I would listen to their music to connect with them. However, over time those connections faded and my love for all the bands I associated with them did too. NIKI describes a love she has outgrown and is trying to separate herself from but she has a hard time coping with that.
“Keeping Tabs” faces the concept of grieving a relationship and all the what-ifs and if-onlys that come with a breakup. I personally find myself thinking about my what-if situations all the time, especially with the people in my life that I am not close with anymore.
Post-breakup, it is common to make excuses for ways you could have salvaged the relationship, even when you know it could not be saved. To NIKI, her relationship could “never work cause I’m an Enneatype 4 Aquarius.” The song is more upbeat rhythmically but the lyrics express the guilt the singer feels surrounding “keeping tabs” on someone she should be over by now.
The feeling of relationship grief continues in “The Apartment We Won’t Share,” a song expanding on all the situations and fantasies NIKI dreamed about while she was with her partner.
“The apartment we won’t share
I wonder what sad wife lives there
The daughter we won’t raise still waits for you”
To NIKI, killing off a relationship also kills the puppy you and your partner would have adopted together (not literally, but that puppy will now have new owners). The melancholy in this song perfectly reflects the feeling of moving on with your life after leaving someone so important to you. This song covers one of the hardest feelings to grasp: Sometimes the life you pictured for yourself never comes to fruition and you need to allow yourself to take hold of other opportunities.
“Facebook Friends” reflects feelings of keeping distance from an old flame. NIKI’s hopefulness to cross paths with her old lover when she knows it is for the best to just stay “Facebook friends” was an incredibly relatable experience. She perfectly pictures how someone who means so much to you at a certain moment in time, can be just a bittersweet memory in the future, just a profile on a screen with no face-to-face connection.
NIKI dives deeper into her sadness on the track “Anaheim,” a song based on the city she spent a lot of time in while living in California. Serving as the middle point of the album, this song has a relaxed tone and depicts a gentle yearning for the dying relationship to be salvaged.
Another song that stood out to me is “Oceans & Engines” as NIKI is ready to give the final goodbye to her ex-lover.
I marked the end with this last song I wrote
I’m lettin’ go
This is the last falsetto
I’ll ever sing to you, my great, lost love”
Up until this point, the listener is immersed in multiple aspects of NIKI’s relationship – from the initial attraction to the regrets felt following the breakup. “Oceans & Engines” symbolizes the singer’s decision to let him go and close that door in her life.
This song was a beautiful full-circle moment with lyrics to touch the heart and make you reflect on the one you let go.
The album ends with “Take A Chance With Me,” a song played on an electric guitar using a string technique to make it sound more like a harp is being featured instead. NIKI sings about the risks that come with loving someone and how it is inevitable to experience something uniquely beautiful.
Overall this album holds a lot of weight with eloquent and hard-hitting lyricism and I enjoyed the acoustic-style vocals some of the songs had. This album is an expansion of NIKI’s biggest feelings she dealt with growing up and shows how difficult adulthood can be when everyone must take their own paths in life.
Nicole Dumont can be contacted at
ndumont@kscequinox.com
