Disclaimer: The “Hoots N’ Hollers” section of The Equinox is entirely satirical and not at all based in fact. Every story, photo and name used here is fictitious solely for the purpose of comedy and does not represent The Equinox’s or the College’s beliefs as a whole.
As most students know, managing time in college can be tricky and often impossible, but we’ve found a local student who found a way to not only stop time, but also change it! This is hard to believe, if not impossible, unless he knows Dr. Who.
At first, we thought we should call somebody, but with a story like this, we might as well hear him out.
The student wished to be kept anonymous in case government G-men get wind of his identity and want to steal his discovery.
The student took us to his room to show us how he could manipulate time by first, taking out a clock.
This clock was ordinary, the kind you see over the door of a classroom that you constantly look at while waiting for the class to end while slowly going insane. Anyways, the student took out the clock and manipulated the hands, making the clock show 4 o’clock.
He then looked up at us, smiled and said, “Due to the theory on time, it is now 4 p.m. and I have two more hours before my class at 6 p.m..” We were baffled; we could’ve sworn that it was half past six when we started our interview, but the student was correct.
The way people measure time doesn’t really exist; it is only an invention used to help measure it.
Considering humans created the concept of measuring time, it only seems plausible that we can also manipulate it…it’s hard to argue with that logic!
Keith Medlock can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org