I worry too much.
I worry about school, my friends, my family, my country. I worry about being a good man. I worry about what people think of me (which is dumb, don’t do that). I worry about a lot of things.
What presently worries me the most though is the future.
A lot of people think about the future. They worry if they’ll pass that test next week, if they’ll be able to get a job after college and if the plan they have for themselves will really come together and be what they envision in their minds. Even those who have already gotten past that part of their lives worry about work, family and the things they still want to do. Everybody has goals, and everybody wants to reach those goals right? What’s scary is what can keep you from reaching those goals.
The thing is, I’m thinking way into the future, like when I’m what some would consider to be old, when I’m like 30. Here’s why…
Kendall Pope/ Managing Executive Editor
I and others like me are in some sort of dilemma. I mentioned in previous columns that doing daily tasks is a little more tedious when you’re someone with a disability, and that having a disability often means slowly sacrificing your independence in order to complete those tasks because of the physical toll it takes on a person’s body. Lately, I’ve been learning that lesson more and more.
I’m in more pain than usual, and have had to use my wheelchair more frequently. I can’t lift anything with my left arm and I haven’t been able to put weight on my left foot in months. It seems my handicap-living-like-an-able-bodied-person lifestyle is catching up to me, as it does for anybody.
So I’m not just worried about getting a job after college. I’m worried if I’ll actually be able to do my job in the first place. Sure, I’m a decent writer (I like to think I am), but will be able to run around getting interviews in the dead of winter with snow on the ground? Subsequently, will I be able to provide for my family? How will I be able to play with my kids in the backyard? If this pain in my arm persists, how will I pick them up? Will I be able to keep them safe? Will I still be able to walk? The list goes on and on.
The only thing I know for sure is that when I’m 90 and in a nursing home, I’ll be teaching all the other old people how to do wheelies in their wheelchairs.
It’s natural to think about the future, but that doesn’t mean it’s productive in any sense of the word. Those are all legitimate questions, but now isn’t the time to search for the answers. I have other tests to study for. We all do.
Having questions about life and what’s to come is something that people do all the time, whether they’re disabled or not. The immediate problem that it presents though is the threat of becoming overwhelmed by things that haven’t even happened yet, let alone what is currently on your plate. As a result, everything in front of you takes a back seat and tunnel vision focuses on what’s miles down the road.
I’m not usually one for New Year’s Resolutions, but, I’ll give it a shot this year. My New Year’s Resolution is to worry less, and focus on the now instead of what could happen in the undecided, undefined future. I’ll do what I can to be better and not stress over what will happen if I don’t get better. I’ll take one day at a time and deal with the challenges as they come. In doing so, I’ll thrive now and better prepare myself for what’s to come.
Anyone want to join me?
OK, I’ve talked about myself enough over the past couple of months. As I close out this semester’s column I want to reach out to anyone with a disability, medical condition or unique story to tell. Let me tell your story and help inform readers of what you go through on a daily basis and how it influences the way you look at the world. It’d be my pleasure. If you’re interested, email me at the address below. In the meantime, I hope you all have a great holiday season. I’ll see you in 2016!
Jacob Barrett can be contacted at jbarrett@kscequinox.com
