Mike Steiner
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Well here we are again sports fans, fittingly enough getting mad at March. I’m sure 95 percent of people reading this column have/had a bracket filled out. I purposely leave that statement non-committal because if you’re anything like anyone else in the world, your bracket is so completely ruined you may be swearing off college sports altogether. I, for one, am with those people.
It’s about this time of year that actually has a calming effect on me, ironically. When I see teams like Butler, Virginia Commonwealth University, Kentucky, and UConn in the Final Four, I smile. Not because this has without a doubt been one of the most memorable tournaments of all time, but because no one else had them making it this far either.
I love to watch “analysts” like Jay Williams and Doug Gottlieb tell me which teams they’re sure are going to make the final four and watching them debate amongst themselves about who’s crazier to pick which teams. None of them know any more about any team’s actual chances than anyone else, not even you or I.
I compare March Madness to a woman you’ve been trying to woo into possibly having a relationship. Bear with me while I explain my relationship with March Madness.
I’ll admit, my bracket is in worse shape than Rosie O’Donnell after a night of dining at McDonald’s. Let’s be real though, so is yours, and so is everyone else’s.
-Steiner
So there’s this girl (team). She (it) drew me in with her (its) style and beauty. She (it) pushed away other interested men (dominated weaker opponents all season), only fortifying my love for her (it). I finally got the courage to ask her out on a date (pick her to win the tournament). We set a time and a place and I was ready for the big night out. We ordered appetizers (first and second round matchups) and scarfed those down no problem. Then it was time for the main course (sweet 16 and elite 8). An amazing meal, complete with flirting and hints of things later to come (final four and championship.) This girl was something else.
With these hints of things to come, I excused myself to the restroom to call a friend and tell him to put a bottle of champagne on ice back at my place. A quick check in the mirror and some comforting words. “You’ve got this. You’ve always had this.”
I popped in a breath mint and confidently strolled back to my table, ready to invite this lovely lady back to my place for some dessert.
Upon my arrival I notice she’s not at the table anymore. Perhaps she’s gone to the restroom as well. I ask for the check and pay, being the gentleman that I am.
I turn to look towards the bathroom and who do I see walking my woman (team) out of the restaurant (tournament)? A freaking Yankees fan (VCU)!!
As is typically the case with filling out the brackets, no one really knew what they were doing. Usually though there are at least a few safe picks to make the final four. Obviously my safe pick was Kansas. The Morris twins are two of the best players in the NCAA and are both big players with range and ability to bang down low. Not only that but they have their guard Morningstar (probably the best name in basketball) who’s been there for what seems like 15 years holding down the back court. This should have been a team that went the distance, or at least gotten past a team like VCU (seriously, VCU??).
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on where you’re from) we’re stuck watching a bunch of teams that no one really wanted to get this far. I love that everyone who thinks they know anything about sports sets up their brackets and claims to know more about which teams people should look at as “sleepers.”
Guess what? You know absolutely nothing about sleepers. So you picked Marquett or Syracuse. Good for you. So did I. Did you have VCU and Butler going to the Final Four? Did you have every single freaking number one seed out before the Final Four? No, you did not. Not even that magical squid that used to predict World Cup games could have come close to picking these matchups (R.I.P. magic squid.)
Call me crazy, but I’ve always been of the belief that the best teams in the country should be playing each other for the national championship game. I know, I know, there are swarms of people who pray for the tournaments to turn out random teams like Butler, George Mason, and VCU, claiming that it makes the tournament better. Sure, that may make it more exciting in the opening rounds, but in the long run I want to see two great teams fighting for the championship, not one or two random teams duking it out.
Having said that, I love UConn. Friends from home have affinities for the Huskies, so through the transitive property I’ve also grown to be a UConn fan. They’ve made a very impressive run to the Final Four and will be the team I’m rooting for to win the championship.
I’ll admit, my bracket is in worse shape than Rosie O’Donnell after a night of dining at McDonald’s. Let’s be real though, so is yours, and so is everyone else’s.
Mike Steiner can be contacted at msteiner@keeneequinox.com
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