It feels like the end of the world, but you’ll be fine

“Get out.” Her voice almost quivers when she says it, and your fingers mimic her quake. You pick up your keys off the table, phone, wallet. You’re numb. You didn’t mean to. You move, hands automatically putting on your coat. Before you know it, you’ve already reached the door. Where were you going? As if she heard your thoughts, you hear the same shaking voice, “Stay with them. I don’t care. Just not here.” Her voice cracks slightly, and she turns to the wall to hide it. It’s over. You’re sure to close the door softly.

Photo illustration by: Emily Fedorko / photo Editor

See, the thing is, you’ve only been dating for two months… And this is the scene of your break up. How did it come to this? Your ex-girlfriend’s lip quivering, your ex-boyfriend pacing around the room, furious. Everyone is taking things too seriously.  Unless you’re sure that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with this person, you need to relax.  Spending time together is fine, it’s when the relationship turns to a police state that there’s trouble.

How many times have you seen one, two friends or  a roommate, start dating? Now, think about how little you’ve seen them since they’ve started. Within a few days they were spending every weekend night together, a week later they’re sleeping over during the week, even when one of them has an 8 a.m. You see less and less of them as they see more and more of each other. And honestly? That’s okay. We’re in college. We’re figuring out what we’re doing with our lives and with whom we’ll face all the challenges. So, you let your friends have fun. They’re happy … right?

Then all of a sudden one of them is in your apartment telling you they want to end it. They never see friends anymore; it’s always the relationship. They’re miserable. And it’s a messy break up. People pick sides, insults are flung like fireballs, singeing and scorching. You become an ambassador to the ex, getting old sweatshirts and backpacks. How did this get so serious? When did the regulations start, the quota of time spent together?

Okay, maybe they stay together. Maybe they make it to six months. They go to a fancy restaurant, buy each other much too expensive gifts. Then they go home, to the apartment all of you share and do it, right on your couch. Then after the tremors of ecstasy cease, naked under the comforter you accidentally left out, one whispers to the other “I love you.”

They probably thought about this a very long time. But maybe not. This is the next step in a relationship. This is setting into the long haul. This is where most people, myself included, have found themselves at one point or another, asking the question, am I actually considering spending my life with this person?

This is starting to get serious.  This can affect someone for years.  You have to know when it’s getting to be too much, because when it gets to that level, there isn’t really going back.  Unless you’re sure of your convictions, taking things too seriously can ruin it all.  When regulations are put into place, when you start acting like a married couple, things start to go wrong.

We’re in college, if we find our soul mates, awesome; if not, well, we have so many years to do so, it’s okay. The instant we start taking it too seriously, pretending we’re grown up and a mortgage is at stake, is when it all seems to fall apart.

Augustus Stahl can be contacted at astahl@keene-equinox.com