What do Clairo, matcha and feminist literature have in common? They’re all traits of the “performative male,” a new stereotype popularized on TikTok through “performative male contests.” Some other traits of the performative male include vintage clothes, thrifting and wired headphones.
This stereotype could be considered part of the “nice guy” stereotype, since the main goal of most performative males is to attract women. While many men may genuinely have these interests, the performative male puts on a show of what he thinks a woman would be into before revealing his true colors.
While it may seem like a funny, harmless online trend, I think it’s important to note the real-life effects of this stereotype. These men aren’t really into what they’re doing; they’re only doing it to lure women in because it’s what they think women want in a man.
There’s also an issue from a feminist perspective. Part of the mindset of the performative male is being an ally or a feminist. Again, these men don’t believe in these values, they just think it will attract more women to them. Performative activism for women only hurts them more.
People are divided on this issue. While some say the performative man is inauthentic and manipulative, others say that this is just one of the many problems of modern dating. This group claims that men have been forced to fit a certain standard set by women in order to get a girlfriend, so they must lie if they don’t want to be alone forever. Others say that this trend shames men who are genuinely interested in what performative men pretend to be interested in and claim the trend is just another way of reinforcing gender roles.
Both of these groups make good points. Modern dating has definitely set up unrealistic expectations for both men and women. However, what both groups should value the most is authenticity. It sounds cheesy, but being authentically yourself is the most attractive thing you could do. Besides, no one can keep us with this kind of facade forever. Sooner or later, the mask will fall.
I do agree with the second point. Like I mentioned before, some men do genuinely enjoy things like literature and typically “feminine” music, and they shouldn’t be shamed for that. However, this trend isn’t talking about those men. They’re talking about the men that don’t like these things, but put on a performance of liking them in order to attract women.
While the performative male trend may eventually fade into social media obscurity, it highlights real issues that need to be addressed. Both men and women face unrealistic expectations that make them feel like they have to lie about who they are if they want to date. I’m not defending the actions of these men; what they’re doing is still manipulative. No one benefits from this: the man isn’t showing his true self, and the woman is being lied to. However, I also understand the amount of pressure that online dating can bring.
This trend might just be an indicator of bigger issues than a man who likes Clairo and carries tampons in his tote bag.
Emily Sloane can be contacted at
esloane@kscequinox.com
