I have mixed feelings about working at my Alma Mater. On one hand I feel happy and at home. In many ways it feels good to be able to give back to the school that shaped me, and it is empowering to know I can be part of all of the changes that are continuously made to create a wonderful student experience here – “wonderful” meaning many things: stable, safe, opportunistic, advancing, etc.
My department needed help and I was the one they turned to. I actually was planning to move to New York when I received a call from Dr. Irina Leimbacher asking if I was still in the area and if I would be interested in this position. I had worked in the MAC as a Student Worker. I knew the job, they needed someone quick, and to be honest I needed more time to prepare for my transition to New York. I saw this as a great way to settle myself, build some skills, and find focus in my own work.
The transition from student to staff was made complicated because this is my Alma Mater. It’s hard, that first time that I had to say “no” to or enforce a policy on the professors here was hard. I felt a bit awkward, and nervous. It’s weird because they are the ones who taught me everything I know, so in many ways Over time, I have begun to settle in the fact that my job encompasses a lot of things they don’t deal with – budget, financing, paper work, etc. However, because they know me (and they know where I got my skill set) I feel like that makes a lot of things, especially centered around decision making, a lot easier. I still look up to the faculty of the film department, and other select faculty and staff around campus. It is so wonderful to work alongside people that I know I can trust and that I know are being honest with me. I feel that at the core my relationships aren’t actually all that much different or altered; they will always be my mentors.
There’s this real pull/ yearning in my heart that is having a hard time saying goodbye to 20-year-old college ‘student’ Miranda, and grasping 25-year-old ‘adult’ Miranda. In one sense it’s nice because I feel like I am slowly drifting into adult life and I am able to (one-by-one) switch over the habits of life — much preferred the grand shove and splat that ejects most students from college to adult life; I am able to appreciate the transition and take my time stepping one foot at a time into adult life. But on the other hand, I feel like I can’t fully have an adult life here; I can’t fully separate, and I find myself longing for the joys of the life I used to lead. It’s the sad part of growing up that people never tell you about, and I have to face it every day.
I will stay here for as long as the department needs me, within reason. There’s a lot in film and media that I want to do, and the first step in all of those goals is moving.
