Disclaimer: The “Hoots N’ Hollers” section of The Equinox is entirely satirical and not at all based in fact. Every story, photo and name used here is fictitious solely for the purpose of comedy and does not represent The Equinox’s or the College’s beliefs as a whole.
As a result of trending student behavior, Keene State College is implementing a travel restriction of sorts. For what you ask? Nothing other than dabbing.
The popular dance move, “the dab”, has been sweeping the nation for the past year or two, but as of late, the trend has slowed down. With the move starting to become more out of style, there are still some who are trying to keep it alive, while others wish for the move to die a quick death.
The move originated from sports and was used mostly when an athlete scored a basket in basketball or a touchdown in football. The move involves a person slamming their head into the inside of their elbow with their opposite arm often pointed straight up.
But after the move started to spread, people, many of them college students, began dabbing for things like making a kind-of funny joke, making a shot in beer pong or when you find out something is buy one, get one free. These casual uses of the dab have caused concern for all affected by these “dabbers,” which caused other students to act.
The new travel rule restricts KSC students who continue to dab from traveling to other college campuses in fear of spreading the trend again and making it what social media analysts and professionals call it “a thing.”President of the student-run group People Who Know What’s Cool (PWKWC) Richard Slick said the trend needs to be handled.
“It’s like a disease,” Slick said. “These kids keep dabbing on me out of nowhere for no reason at all and it’s driving me crazy! Like any disease, it needs to be contained and that’s the point of the travel rule.”
Slick also added that he didn’t even know people were still dabbing until he said something lame and someone responded by saying, “said no one ever,” and dabbed on him so hard he fell over on Appian Way. His alleged dabber is still at large.
While Slick speaks out against the dance move, others continue to fight.
“Bro I’m going to dab until I can’t dab anymore,” KSC student Lenny Lameson said. “It just feels so good when you do something cool like take a long drag of a vape or kick flip on your longboard,” Lameson said. “You just have to let that energy out and the dab just lets me do that. I should be able to share that on other college campuses.”
So far, it doesn’t look like the rule will be overturned, but who knows what the future holds with this heated debate, showing no signs of cooling down. KSC student Susie Smith weighed in on the issue in riveting fashion.
“I really don’t care,” Smith said. “I’m just trying to get to class.”
In other news, the “pretending to eat a bowl of cereal because I’m such a beast,” move is also in discussions of being banned as well.
Nick Tocco can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org