Disclaimer: The “Hoots N’ Hollers” section of The Equinox is entirely satirical and not at all based in fact. Every story, photo and name used here is fictitious solely for the purpose of comedy and does not represent The Equinox’s or the College’s beliefs as a whole.
Investigative findings have discovered that in an effort to curb campus budget cuts, the new Living and Learning Commons (LLC) has also been serving as a lodge to Keene visitors. For some, this might explain why the first-year dormitory doesn’t fill every room with students, thus offering ample rooming for guests.
An exclusive interview with Keene State College’s Travel Agent Robin R. Bucks disclosed the benefits of what the college secretly calls the ‘Lodging in Luxurious Comfort’.
“This has been an amazing opportunity to serve three groups: the students, the college and the outside community,” Bucks said. “We give students jobs in the cleaning service, we make money in places that we don’t have to put any extra funds into and we’re offering competitive pricing for a place to stay, eat and exercise at. It’s really a win-win situation.”
She said a night in the LLC goes for $115, which includes use of the Spaulding Gym and two meals at the Zorn Dining Commons and an assortment of miscellaneous fees. “I don’t know exactly what these miscellaneous fees include” she said when asked.
Traveling businessman Tray Ash said he loves staying at the lodge. “The prices are great and besides the pizza at their dining commons, which can get old quick, it’s a real bargain,” he said. “It’s better than a dingy motel, but not as high class as a hotel, so you don’t feel like you have to be as classy.”
He said his only complaint is that the Wi-Fi isn’t very reliable. “When you’re going up and down the stairs, it can be a bit glitchy,” he said. However, Ash said he enjoys the lodge very much. “My favorite part is the jacuzzi heated by geothermal energy,” he said.
When asked about the jacuzzi, Bucks explained it’s hidden and for guests only. “We don’t want to seem unfair by letting students in the LLC use it when other dorms don’t have such amenities,” she said.
KSC junior Stuart Depp works at the lodge cleaning the rooms. “It’s a job,” he said. “I’d rather work now than be in even more debt later.”
He said he’s been working there a little over three months. Depp said, “Sometimes it’s really hard cleaning up after people, they seem to leave trash everywhere. I wish they were more respectful of our campus.” He smirked and said, “Sometimes I eat their fair trade pillow chocolate.”
Dorothy England can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org