Disclaimer: The “Hoots N’ Hollers” section of The Equinox is entirely satirical and not at all based in fact. Every story, photo and name used here is fictitious solely for the purpose of comedy and does not represent The Equinox’s or the College’s beliefs as a whole.
Junior Abby Andon made an announcement this past week that she is planning to get fit for the coming warmer months. Spring and summer are rapidly approaching and students are using the weather as a reason to get back to the gym. On Monday, Andon posted to her Twitter account, “Ugh!! Need to get in shape. Taking applications for a gym buddy ASAP! lol.”
While Andon’s tweet indicates that she is preparing to get in shape, the 20-year-old said she is really just seeking someone with the same enthusiasm to exercise, but will be “totally okay if [she doesn’t] want to actually work out at all.”
“I honestly have all intentions to get in shape, but I’m definitely going to come up with a ton of excuses to tell my new gym buddy so I won’t ever have to actually exercise,” Andon said.
Andon said that she has already come up with excuses to not work out, including “my leg hurts, my house is on fire, or even, like, my dog is stuck in a tree or something.”
According to Andon, exercise is crucial to a healthy lifestyle, but she also said it’s way easier to simply find a buddy to talk about it with than to actually do it.
Andon said, “I just want a friend who will be all like ‘I need to get fit’ with me, but then do nothing at all about it, you know?”
Andon said she has even bought an entire new collection of workout clothes to commit to the new “gym rat” lifestyle.
“I bought leggings, some sports bras, and even new sneakers. I feel like my new look will make people think that I’m, like, super fit,” Andon said.
One of Andon’s friends, junior Jenna Jeorge, said that this is very typical behavior of Andon.
“Ugh, she always says that she wants to do something and then immediately flakes out. It’s just what she does,” Jeorge said.
According to Jeorge, Andon has made plans in the past to do yoga every day, start a band, pick up scrapbooking, commit to various diets, become a train conductor, and now she is planning to get in shape.
“She just likes the feeling of saying she’s going to do something,” Jeorge said, “She’s never actually going to do it.”
Andon said that she hopes to have found her new gym buddy by next week.
However, according to Andon, “Ugh, I think my dog is stuck in a tree though. We might have to postpone.”
Stephanie McCann can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.